customers piss me off. a short list on the joys of working at tim horton's. this is in no way comprehensive.
the drive-thru edition, because i was there all day yesterday:
01. when customers open the lids of their cups to make sure it's filled all the way to the top. fuck you, i know how to fill a cup.
02. when customers complain about how their cup isn't full to the top and hand it through the window to be filled again. a) there's a fill line, jerk, b) the only reason i'm filling it any fuller after you sneer at me is in the hopes that you burn important body parts after you drive off with your overflowing cup.
03. 'welcome to tim horton's drive thru, may i take your order please?' 'yeah, i'll have a large double-double.' 'is that everything?' 'no, can i get a sesame bagel toasted with butter?' 'is that everything?' 'no, can i get a half-dozen donuts?' FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOU.
04. 'welcome to tim horton's drive thru, may i take your order please?' 'hold on, we're still deciding.' FUCK YOU.
05. 'can i get my coffee from a fresh pot?' FUCK YOU. GO MAKE YOUR OWN.
06. 'can i get two extra large double-doubles, one extra large half cream half sugar, one extra large french vanilla, and two extra large teas made with two sugar one milk one bag in one on the side, and by the way i have a winning rim for three of those.' FUCK YOU. if you're incapable of telling me about your winning rim before i've punched in your ENTIRE ORDER, you can TAKE yoru winning rim and SHOVE it, OKAY?!
07. 'what's taking my order so long?' excuse me, asshole? um, we have two on drive-thru, one on break, someone in the back is making the donuts our baker left us because people like YOU bitch about how little selection we have after a non-stop day, we have two on counter with a line up snaking around our dining room section, and we're still taking MORE orders. so you sit your FAT ASS in your FUCKING CAR and you WAIT for your goddamn coffee, OKAY BITCH?
08. 'ma'am, do you have five cents?' 'uhhhh no but i have five pennies.' BITCH ARE YOU FOR REAL?
09. when customers drive up to the window and slam their change on the counter, even though MY HAND IS THERE. FUCK YOU. your change is getting SLAMMED on the fucking counter too.
10. when customers hand me change but give me this look like i have leprosy or something when i hand them theirs. they have the fear of GOD in their eyes. FUCK YOU. i hope your dick falls off, and i mean that.
11. customers from counter: 'was that you screaming?' yes, JERK, that was me screaming. i was yelling 'SOMEONE MAKE MY BAGEL!' in the hopes that SOMEONE would hear me - either the guy in the back making donuts, or the other two counter staff that just FUCKED OFF and were nowhere to be found - and make my FUCKING bagel because there are TWO OF US on drive through and we can't AFFORD to make a bagel. so kiss my ass, fuckface.
12. when customers unbuckle their seatbelts, count out the change in, i don't fucking know, nickels or something, open their coffee, take a sip, and rebuckle their seatbelt and then drive off. thanks, asshole! now my times are like ninety seconds!
13. 'can i have my penny?' you utter BASTARD.
14. customers with sticky change. please, i will give you your coffee FOR FREE if it means i do not have to touch your money contaminated with either spit, or blood, or gum, or i don't even want to think what the hell is making your money so sticky so please just take your coffee and for the love of god just GO HOME.
AKSJDKASDJK ASKDJKASHD ASKDJASFHJGDASFJDFKJSDGK I CAN'T EVEN GO ON, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK AT ONE, SOMEONE SAVE ME PLEASE.